Merida update

The NZ Herald posted an article today crowing that the petition to Disney worked!  Merida will not be changed!

Except...that she was never going to be changed.  The NZ Herald article was shoddy journalism at its best - full of assumptions and "apparently" statements.  Even the "source" that it linked to contained different information and a statement from Disney which was ignored by NZ Herald.

Here's a great write-up by Inside the Magic.  Note the lack of hyperbole (unlike the "newspaper").

As for the petition?  Everyone is excited that over 200,000 people have signed it.  200,000!!  Adorable.

There are 300 million people living in the US right now.  17 million people visit just Disney World every day year (another 16 million go to Disneyland) - that's around 47,000 per day per park, with some special events bringing in over 100,000 people per park in a day.


Hopefully this ridiculous story has come to an end.  Some random people go excited over a misunderstanding/ignorance, affected nothing whatsoever and now has claimed victory over the change that was never going to happen.

Musings

If you know us, you'll be aware that we are big Disney fans.  The biggest hint could be that we vacation there every other year or so.  :)   To prepare for our trip later this year, we have kept up with Disney news around recent changes to the parks, new experiences etc.  I listen to the "Inside the Magic" podcast every week, and Ricky hinted at some controversy around a new Disney/Pixar princess (Merida).  I brushed it aside because - and this is still very much my primary thought -

if you are wasting your energy being concerned about a fictional character, you need to review your priorities.

Now the 'big story' has been posted on other newsy websites that I follow and I accidentally tripped into the conversation.  Unfortunately, those venues don't allow for complicated or long explanations/discussions.  So, here we are!

Yes, my first thought is that this is a ridiculous 'controversy' in these days and times.  So many more important events are taking place right now - nevermind real injustices and crimes against women.  I haven't seen this kind of uprising against anything far more upsetting.

But let's play along and pretend this may be important.  What is the issue here?  

#1 The perceived change in Merida's 'look'

Merida was written as a strong, bull-headed Scottish girl who was really good at archery and had crazy hair.  She's younger than the other Disney princesses, so wasn't shown as mature or slim in the movie "Brave".  (Although she certainly isn't overweight or even 'thick').

 Recently, Disney marketing decided to officially coronate her as a Disney princess.  In conjunction with this, they released a 2D rendering of Merida, which made her appear slimmer and more glamorous, as she was drawn in the same style as the other princesses.

It is not clear what the 'new' look is (was?) intended to be used for.  Judging from the merchandise page on the Disney website, the Merida merchandise is all over the show and has no one defined 'look'.
In the park, the woman playing the Merida character is not glamorous and still has her bow and arrow:

So..was there really a change?  Or did one person get upset and lots of sheep follow suit without intelligent analysis?

#2  Think of THE CHILDREN!!

Ok, let's.  Let's think of the little girls who identified with this character.  Why did they identify with her? 

Was it because she is written as headstrong?  She still is.  

Was it because she is into archery?   She still is.

Was it because she is pretty?  She still is.

Or...was it because they have decided she is pretty, but not TOO pretty.  Average-built but not TOO thin.  If a little girl who likes Merida liked her for only these reasons, she may be upset that the look changed on some merchandising products.  But in that case?  You've already lost the battle because she is not getting the point of the character.  Even so, there is still a conversation to be had.

Was Merida appealing because she was strong-willed AND a bit on the average side?  Why is it unappealing for her to be strong-willed and glamorous?  I'm certain women like that actually exist.


Let's say a little girl liked Merida because of the headstrong/archery stuff.  And let's even suppose she is put off by the new glamour makeover.  What now?!  Gee, perhaps have a conversation about it? Ask her how she feels about the new look and if she likes it or not.  Ask her if it changes her identification with the character.  Show her the pictures of the girl playing Merida in the parks and discuss the difference between reality and print media.


#3 They are SEXUALISING a young character!

Stop it with that shit already.  Adults sexualise characters, not children.  They just don't see it that way.  And if your daughter wants to wear clothes in a certain manner?  You're the parent - figure it out.  My mother shut that shit down fast and she was barely there as a parent.


#4  But the evil Media is making girls feel bad!

Yeah, you have control over that too.

Don't like the messages on TV?  Get rid of your TV or only watch shows you approve of.
Don't like the images in magazines?  Don't buy them.
Don't like the new look of a fictional character?  Don't buy the products.

Access to TV, movies, etc - these are all choices we make.  They aren't mandatory.  We can choose what we allow in our lives.  If your children are young, you have a lot of control.  Sure, they will make friends whose parents have made other choices, but that is true for anything.

Here's the important bit:  you have to give your girls a strong foundation of self-worth.  Yes. That comes from YOU, parents.  You are there in the beginning of their lives and at the end of every day.  Talk to your daughters about real people who have done incredible things with their time and energy.  Show them by example.

If a girl feels confident, peer pressure will not be as effective.  If she is aware of the real value of people, peer pressure will not be as effective.  And in the end, the images in media that people get excited about are just another form of peer pressure.


#5 But real life women aren't PERFECT!

Yep, heard this ridiculous argument today.  For crying out loud - no one is perfect!  And if we are all waiting for a fictional character to be the beacon of perfection, society is for sure going to shit.

Here's another tip:  we don't have to accept the entire package.

I mentioned Princess Di as an example of a real-life princess who spent her life doing charitable work. This woman gave comfort to AIDS sufferers before the rest of the world was even willing to admit AIDS existed.

The message received from my point? "When you grow up, you can marry a really rich guy and do good deeds" and "be generous with your largesse".  *sigh*   Really?  Also "Well, you'd have to heavily fictionalise her life".

What...?

Look, there are no true 100% perfect heroes.  We can still look up to people who do admirable things.  It doesn't necessarily mean we accept every single action and choice they ever made.  Life is messy, people are imperfect.  It is a really good lesson for kids to learn at an early age because no matter who they look up to, that person will fall off the pedestal eventually.

And the lessons to be learned can be partial - care for the sick, spend your time helping if you can, fight bigotry.  Logic tells us we can't all grow up and marry a prince..but that is the same lesson from fictional characters too.

#5 Blah blah other random arguments

We can't escape media!!   Umm...yes you can.
Home-schooled children are weird/unsocialised etc.    Just..nope.
But, but..the images!   Yes, they are out there, and they aren't going away.  Get used to it.


Look, a corporation's sole purpose is to make enough money to continue existing as long as possible.  Their profits are derived from products that rely on demand of consumers.  If enough people decide they don't want a particular message or product, it won't be made anymore.  Supply/demand.  Pretty simple.

And that's what it really comes down to, isn't it?  The majority of people either buy into the messages that others object to, or they are secure enough in themselves to carry on with important things with all this menial crap out in the world.  Either get the majority on your side or learn to deal with the clutter.

Or...and just throwing this out there..instead of signing a petition with means nothing and will have no effect, take a real action that will affect change.



Final Question(s)

Do you consider yourself a strong woman?  If so, how do you reconcile that with being affected by 'media'?

And if not...what steps have you taken to be stronger?

40

I was hoping to have posted some 'life in Wellington' updates before this particular post, but life gets busy and all. :)

Today I turn 40.  The number seems so large and I have gotten increasingly anxious as the day has gotten closer!  It's just...I don't feel like I am 40. Shouldn't I be taller? Wear heels more often?  I can still clearly remember my teenage years, and college, and even my 20s!

Mostly, though, I feel like life froze the year we left for New Zealand.  Perhaps it is because the seasons are opposite here - the year plays out differently.  Or perhaps because most of the trees here are an evergreen variety, so we don't get the bright colours of autumn, the dead trees in winter, and pink and white blossoms in spring.

I really do enjoy the life we have made here, despite missing our US friends (desperately at times).  And often, I reflect on the path I have taken to be here - not just living in another country, but to the age of 40.


Before I go further, I want you guys to read this:  Anonymous Asks.  Warning: it is a long read!  I happened across it in my many RSS feeds several months ago, but didn't want to just post it as if it was on par with a cat video or random news item.  Go read it!  I'll wait here. :)



Gethard's response to his anonymous fan gave me pause and brought up a lot of memories for me.  I, too, have struggled with depression most of my life, and suicidal thoughts came early (around age 10).  I didn't really know the word 'suicide' at the time, but I did know I wanted to disappear to make the pain stop. My teenage years were difficult. Not because of bullies - because of my home life.  The life I lived in our family home was very different from the impression and reputation of our family out in the world.  I had a lot of difficulty reconciling the two and spent much of my time away from the house burying myself in music and academic studies.

I didn't realise it at the time, but my flute teacher was one of the first people to save my life.  When I visited her a few years after I graduated college, she admitted to me that my weekly lessons during high school were longer than the scheduled time.  I had never noticed...I had taken for granted the time she spent with me after lessons chatting about life in general.  I'm sure she knew exactly the weight of her actions, and I am forever grateful.

After my 3rd year in college, my boyfriend broke up with me (seemingly) suddenly.  The writing was on the wall, but I chose to ignore it, so the breakup hit me hard.  Depression is a ravenous monster that only needs one sad event to expand.  This was it for me - all the difficult times I had ever had multiplied and overwhelmed me.  I didn't shower, or eat or do anything, really.  Then I devised a suicide plan.  I did the research and then wrote out letters to my dearest friends, my brothers and even my parents.

I was living with my friend Laurel at the time in a little apartment in the middle of nowhere, PA.  She and I had met a couple years earlier when a mutual friend hung himself on our college campus.  It was a terrible event, and we bonded first in our sadness, then in our strengths. Laurel was the next person to save my life.  She came home one day shortly after I had written out all of my letters and said "I have already lost one friend to suicide, I will not go through it again.  Get off the couch and get out."  Her butt-kicking was what I needed.  My new plan was to drive back to Oklahoma to spend time in a place where "he" didn't exist.

When I called my mother and told her how far down the path of depression I was, she was not interested.  So I called my brother Kevin.  He and his wife Maurya were the next people to save my life.

Before driving to Oklahoma, I drove to Maryland to see Kevin and Maur.  They hadn't even hesitated when I called and asked to visit.  They hosted me for a weekend or so, and took me shopping.  Oddly, I will never forget that shopping trip - Maur was so keen to give me some happiness, she bought me a really cute swimsuit (I had lost a significant amount of weight).  I can still picture it!  The time spent with them gave me enough of a boost to survive the road trip to Oklahoma and all the events which transpired once I arrived there.

These acts were seemingly small - and that's the point.  This is what Gethard was saying: if you see someone struggling, just spend some time with them. Even if you don't talk. And if you are the one struggling, try to see the small gestures of love and kindness from people who care about you.  It's there, promise.


So, I've made it to 40.  Thank you - to all of you.

Happy New Year!

Yep...I'm a bit late with that.  I'm just crawling out from the rubble that was tax season this year, and it feels like 2013 has just started for me!  I practically missed all of the gorgeous Wellington summer, and every single Fringe Festival show (the first time in 6 years!).

We haven't updated this blog in YONKS, but am hoping to do more with it this year, including updating on all the happenings since our last post!

In the meantime, let me know if anyone is still out there...

The Hobbit!

Yep, it's been a while...we've just been busy living in this city that we love.  I hope to be able to post more, especially about our 6 year anniversary!

In the meantime, Wellington has Hobbit fever.  Here are some pictures of the installation on top of the Embassy Theatre: